Infertile

*Disclaimer* Long and possibly boring post without any pictures.  You've been warned.

I don't like that word.  And I don't believe it at all describes me.  Yet...my history would tell you otherwise.

Darren and I have been married for 3 1/2 years now.  I know what you're thinking...that's not very long.  You guys are practically still newlyweds.  You're so young, you've got plenty of time to start a family.  Well, that's all good and would be true, if we hadn't of already been trying to start a family for over 2 years now.

2 years.  25 months to be exact.  25 days filled with a big ol' NEGATIVE.  6 of those negatives came from treatment.  So, yes we are practically newly weds.  And yes we are still young.  Sure we still have plenty of time to start a family.  But that doesn't seem to be happening.

I've been going back and forth a lot about writing this post.  Which is strange...because if you were to ask me about all this, I'd give you my life story.  I'm pretty much an open book.  You want to know what we're doing?  I'll tell you.  I'll tell you probably more than you care to hear about.  Ever heard of TMI? That's me sometimes.  Sorry...  But that's the thing.  I'll tell you exactly what we're doing.  I'll explain all the tests I've had done.  I'll tell you how many shots I've given myself (I'm becoming a pro!), how many IUI's we've done, etc.  I'll tell you any of that.  Because none of that has to do with how I feel.  You bring that up, I smile and say "I'm fine.  It'll happen, I'm not worried."  Which is mostly true.  Most days, I'm not worried.  Deep down, I know we'll have children of our own.  Just on those occasional rainy days, I'm convinced it'll never happen and we'll live in a big empty house for the rest of our lives.  I think about the fact that had I of gotten pregnant on the first try like everyone else and their dog, I'd have a 14 month old.  I don't like rainy days.  Luckily those days aren't too frequent.

When Darren and I got married, we discussed when to start a family.  My heart wanted to start right away, but we discussed it together and agreed that we'd wait a year.  I am grateful for that.  That first year of marriage was wonderful and challenging.  It was exactly what Darren and I needed.  We grew together and learned a lot about marriage.  I'm grateful for that time that my only focus was Darren.  After a year and a half of marriage, we decided to start 'trying'.  I remember planning the future.  I'd think "I'm going to be pregnant during Girls Camp.  I hope I'm not sick!"  But then Girls Camp came and went.  Then I'd think "We're going to Vegas for Thanksgiving.  I should be pregnant by then and we can tell his whole family."  I used to get excited to take a pregnancy test.  That didn't last very long.  I honestly think the last test I took was March of 2012.

Our first visit with the fertility specialist was in Sept of 2012.  We did our first round of treatment 2 months later in November.  We've done 6 treatments, each one slightly different than the other.  Luckily the fertility drugs haven't affected me like I've heard they can.  I haven't gotten all emotional and hormonal (at least... I don't think I have...).  Now they just need to work...

The reason I don't like the word infertile is because I don't believe I am.  Yes, generally after 1 year of trying, that's the label you get.  I'm well past that.  But deep down, I don't really think anything is WRONG.  We might need a little help from the doctors, but it will happen.  I don't feel this is going to be a battle we have every kid.  I honestly feel once we have our first, the rest will come easy.  Maybe that's just wishful thinking though. I honestly never thought we'd end up at a fertility doctor in the first place.

One day I'll be a mom.  And Darren will be a wonderful dad.  Until then...just let me keep stealing your cute babies in church and I'll be alright..  That helps those rainy days go away.  I know I will be a mother and I look forward to that day.  And I am trying so very hard to be patient...  This is our trial and we can handle it.  But we're ready whenever you are, Heavenly Father ;)

Life according to my iPhone

Here's what we've been up to since Hawaii, according to my phone.  WARNING, major picture overload.

Girls night with this cutie, Harper, her mama Chelsea, and aunt Megan!

New nephew Parker Ryan was born on March 10!  He's a cutie, looks just like Caiden.

Stealing cuddle time with cute babies my friends keep having

Darren spending Sunday night with sleeping Taycie (his favorite)

Burnt my chest while making angel food cake.  Whoops...

Fun game nights with awesome friends!

Lots of these (shots)...         And these...

At this place

Crafts that start like this...                   And end like this!

FaceTime with Taycie, by far the cutest thing ever.  She loves it! (Ignore my face up there...I was laughing)

Non stop watching this trial

Which leads me to drive by this house (the murder house...)

Sandra came home and we all went shopping =)

Suns game with these two handsome fellas

Spending time with the birthday boy!  (April 24th, he's 30!!!)

 

Anyway, that's what's been going on.  There's some other fun news I'll get to later (no, not pregnant since I know that's where everyone's mind always goes.)

Hawaii Part 2

Skydiving took up most of our Friday, but it was worth it.  After that, we drove around the North Shore taking pictures and eating shaved ice.

That night, we ate at Shorebird again.  And on Friday nights, after sunset, the Hyatt puts on a fireworks show!

That was a good night

Saturday morning was spent at the Aloha Stadium Swap Meet.  We got a few souvenirs, then headed back to the North Shore.  We visited the Laie Hawaii Temple and then spent the rest of the day/evening at the Polynesian Cultural Center.  We don't have many pictures of that.  Whoops...

Last day!  We spent our Sunday morning at Pearl Harbor.  I've been to Hawaii, but I haven't been there.  It was neat!

See that oil?  62 years later, there's still oil coming up from the sunken USS Arizona!

We also got to walk inside an old submarine

I had to put this picture.  See that...white spot on my leg?  I'm not sure how that happened!  I didn't have sunscreen on (as you can tell by the bright red...).  I'm wondering if I had a spot of sand on me?  It's too funny!

Darren loved the submarine

Hawaii was amazing!  We had such a great time.  Aloha!

Hawaii Part 1

In January, in the spur of the moment, Darren and I booked a trip to HAWAII!  It was just a fun little getaway for us, for no reason at all.  Other than...to go to Hawaii.  We were there for 4 days.  Some think that's short, but I think it's perfect.  (I'm a major home body...)

I'm breaking this vacation into parts.  There's a lot of pictures...  We got there late afternoon, had some dinner, and crashed (we were ready for bed so early!  We're like an old couple, no kidding.  We're not really night life people..)

Thursday, we went para sailing!

This was my favorite thing of the trip

We were pretty high up there!

So much fun!

After para sailing, we took a drive up the coast and snapped some pictures.

(they gave us a Prius to drive around...Darren was thrilled... haha)

We also spent a little time on a beach in a little town on the west coast.

That night, we had dinner at the best place!  It's called Shorebird.  There's a salad buffet with a LOT more than salad, you pick your meat, then YOU grill it!  They've got these big grills with some seasoning and "grill masters" to help you if you need.  Darren loved being able to cook our steaks.  Also, this place is ON the beach.  And you have a perfect view of sunset.  Basically...we ate here 2 out of the 4 nights we were there haha...

That was totally our view

Friday was Skydiving day.  That's right, Darren jumped out of an airplane!  Crazy boy.

Darren and Manny ready to load up!

Does he look nervous?

So nuts...That's not Darren, that's the girl before him.  Such a crazy view!

Here he goes!

His view of the North Shore

He did it!

Stay tuned...